I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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