Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
