so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's the barista slut.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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