By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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