If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
