No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
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