for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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