I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
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