i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
