I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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