she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
