Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
