I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
