Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
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