I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
