I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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