Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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