I just saw a hot homeless man
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Randomize
