you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
