We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
