I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think I sprained my soul last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
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