You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
