I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
