I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
