do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
