She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
