My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
