please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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