people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!