I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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