I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
they need to just BURY HIM!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.