ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!