What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
