Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
