True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
