I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize