You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
