Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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