I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
