You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
