I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize