Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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