we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
