forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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