My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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