yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
