He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
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And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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