Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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