Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How does it feel to date your dad?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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