don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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