it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
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no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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