winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
