You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
