i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
