When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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