Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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