I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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