Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
