you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You are a genius and a whore.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
