Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
