i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
