Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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