Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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