I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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