when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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