Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
