Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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