I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
