Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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