dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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