turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
