pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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