"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
My pussy is not your playground.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
