I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
