Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
What a dumb baby whore.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
